The month is about to end and it seems never ending. I feel October creeping up but there is still so much to do with so little time. I always feel like I have no time, but the reality is that I need to manage my time more properly and stop wasting it on unimportant circumstances. Anyways, rant of the week is about people because holy lord am I a little steamed. I get that not everyone is perfect, but is it that hard to respect boundaries? I vision myself walking into a new meadow and out of this forest of tonterías that I am so sick of. I am so sick of people using me, taking me for granted, and not respecting me. Something interesting to overshare (what I consider oversharing at least) is that I cut out these people from my lives, and they are bribing themselves back in? Absolutely not. Gifts and invitations aren't going to resolve the disrespectful actions performed in the past. I am one to let go of things, but I am no Marcus Aurelius. Justice must always be served, but what in the context of oneself? I need to share my writing on Meditations by Aurelius because its too forgiving, even for an emperor.
So what then? Is it just to accept these invitations and gifts as forgiveness? Or stand up for myself and stand ground for the respect I deserve? Sure, I have lost so many people in my life. Losing these people won't make any difference.
A life lesson I have unfortunately learned is to never let anyone close to your heart, for it is too fragile to break. A skill (in my opinion) that I have learned to use, is to accept everything that I cannot control. People leave? It's not like it hasn't happened before, and I will live.... so why dwell so much? It is a bit sorrowful, but who says I can't enjoy the presence of those who are with me now? I still feel joy, excitement, and happiness with the people around me now. Just because they may leave at somepoint, doesn't mean that the memories are altered to negative remembrance.
Forgive me if this seems a bit aggressive. I just wish I was treated with more respect. Not just some "friend" that people can push around. I'm over that, I want true connection and friendship. Not one where I am being used and disrespected. A true frienship where if things end, I feel all of the grief and recall all the good memories as years pass by.
I need new/more friends to be fair. It's hard to meet people with similar interests. Time is my friend at the moment (even though we are having a bit of a dispute). Anyways, thats basically the end of this rant. There hasn't been any crazy life updates, other than my outings... which are too personal to share.
Take care -Solar

The thing about learning from past mistakes, is to understand the difference between learning and understanding. I have come across a dilemma where I have been telling myself that I have "learned" from this mistake/ error of a case that has happened. Though did I really learn from it? Or have I simply just understood that there is a big mistake made and understand the situation? Have I learned enough to avoid instances which may be similar?
I don't think I have learned from this mistake that has occured, I simply am aware of what has been done. I may be too harsh on myself, but when difficult situations stumble upon you and it is not handled with full security.... things fall a part. Who am I too blame then? For those who were involved, ultimately I had to take the fall. I can only learn and avoid to involve myself in situations such once more, or else I begin to know I have no assertiveness upon my needs and wants.
God, lets get over that rant for a moment. I need to get out of this city...
I have been craving something new. The thought lingers throughout my mind of what it is, and I know. It isn't possible for now. I have obligations and responsibilites here. To be selfish and abandon those who depend on me is not within my moral. If I may say, it is definitley the people here. They are too self-centric and I understand (not so sure if I have learned) that these people like to use others. I am tired of being that resort for others. I am tired of being someone that people can get something out of. I am tired.
We move with grace and humility. I truly believe the best revenge is success.... and maybe other things but its too grim. Don't get me wrong I am not some evil person walking invisible amongst everyone else. I try to live life with love and excitement. I think sometimes a good crashout after a big event is okay to express about. Mistakes have been made, but experiences have been brought into fruition! I am just not going to be naive of those who treat me poorly. Simply, I will navigate myself with more caution when presented in a crititcal situation.
People aren't evil. People just do bad things (oppressors excluded).
-Solar